I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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