So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
