I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
