I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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