singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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