3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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