He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
