i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
