i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
