A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize