He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize