Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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