my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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