Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
