so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
