Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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