After last night, I could never be a politician.
Fuck appropriateness.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
