great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
