About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
