OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
