So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
