That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize