just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
