My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
