I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
