Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
