Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
