I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
