i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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