Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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