last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
