from now on my penis is your penis
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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