forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
