you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
