FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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