I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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