Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
