I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
