It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
