I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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