my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We were destined to go to rehab together
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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