never play flip cup with pint glasses
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
