I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
