why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize