Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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