Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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