Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
