he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
