Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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