I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
