What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she looked like the before picture.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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