Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
