New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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