Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
