Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
