Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
