dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I didn't notice because vodka
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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