someone threw a dead crab at me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
