just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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