wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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