Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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