a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize