Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
