i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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