i already hear my dad disowning me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
