best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
