Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
