And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
