: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my phone needs a breathalizer
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
