Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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