So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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