Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
