So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
