Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
